So, Vibbs blogged about it yesterday and I admit, I had a good laugh. Honestly, even though Hawk Tuah Girl has been all over the internet and this very site for months (I just looked it up and somehow the video is less than two months old), I didn’t think much of the video. Partly because I didn’t know who the hell Hailey Welch was when she showed up in my feed. But even when I remembered who she was thanks to Google, I still had a good laugh considering how the Mets’ season had started.

Followed by the Mets’ lucky charm at the beginning of the season, known as the “Rally Pimp.”

And everyone’s favorite fast food mascot makes the Mets an unbeatable baseball team.

That’s why I didn’t flinch twice when I saw Hawk Tuah Girl added to this illustrious list. Admittedly, I’m a Mets fan and used to the most absurd things happening to my favorite baseball team.

This apparently wasn’t always the case, as others seemed quite upset about a girl who went viral for making a casual remark during an interview after a few drinks.

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I mean, listen, we’re talking about first pitches here. Not a game! Not a game! Not a game! We’re talking about first pitches here. Not a game. Not the game that baseball players go out there and die for and play every game like it’s their last. Not the game, we’re talking about first pitches here, man. I mean, how silly is that?

I know people get mad when internet stars try to extend their 15 minutes in pursuit of wealth and fame, but it seems like she just wanted to create some attention for a program for old dogs.

I agree that it’s hilarious when she throws out the first pitch on the day of camp. But I can’t remember ever really caring if someone I didn’t know threw out the first pitch, let alone bothering to find out why that person was famous enough to throw out the first pitch (if you can consider a pitch thrown to a non-player a real first pitch). I also realize that for years you couldn’t turn on the news without hearing the name of a porn star, so God knows what the kids of today’s search histories look like.

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Giphy images.

I’m not sure why the first pitches before a game in 2024 are such a big deal. I care much more about the final pitch of the actual game that determines who wins and who loses. Yes, that was me acting like a hardcore baseball writer. But the fact remains that the 11 walks and 7 earned runs by the Mets pitchers in a loss to the crappy A’s were far more offensive than anything that happened on the mound before the game actually started.

If you want to call Hawk Tuah out for something, do it for the game report. But if you have a problem with Hawk Tuah Girl throwing out the first pitch at a Mets game, then you hate veterans and dogs, which means I hate you. I also imagine Portnoy hates you, Big Cat hates you, and the entire cast of Zero Blog Thirty hates you, although I’m pretty sure Kate doesn’t have a single hateful bone in her entire body, including her crippled spine. I’d love to say this will be the last Hawk Tuah blog this site ever publishes, but I don’t think we’ll be that lucky.