Beauty is pain. But sometimes it also leads to madness. Especially if you try to use one of those clay masks. Because no matter how hard you try, if you leave it on for a moment too long, good luck losing weight. The amount of time it takes to go crazy from this beauty routine, although it may vary by a minute or ten, is about the same for everyone.

8:43

Man oh man. I can’t believe I finally got a jar of this stuff. The website says it does incredible things to the skin. This is definitely the product that will clean out those pores.

8:45

Hmm…that texture is weird. Did I pay $70 for a rancid face mask? Maybe the pineapple they put in it went bad. Oh well, I’ll try it anyway.

8:46

Well, that’s weird. I feel like it could do more. I should few more on that, just in case. I don’t want to give a bad review because I didn’t use the product properly. Imagine how embarrassing that would be.

8:47

Uh oh, maybe that’s too thick. That’s OK! I leave it on my face a little longer than the instructions say. What harm could it do?

8:51

Oooh! I’m starting to feel that pull. Goodbye, tallow! See you in hell.

8:52

I have to admit, I don’t like how much this is starting to hurt. At what point is a little pain too much?

9:02

I leave it on for a few more minutes, it’s almost dry. I’m so thirsty! I wonder if the mask pulled water through my skin too. I wish I could hydrate, but I can’t move my mouth. Maybe I can pour it in. That’s okay! This spill can’t be cleaned up with paper towels. Plus, I learned a valuable lesson: I can’t aim.

9:05

It’s been 20 minutes. Time to rinse, I think.

9:06

Wow! That stuff is really stuck in there.

9:07

Maybe it can be removed with warm water.

9:08

My God, this stuff is like cement.

9:10

Why can’t it be washed away?

9:11

I’m going to use my nails. Phew, this mask is coming off like paint chips.

9:12

It’s still running. Maybe I can use this steel wool sponge. It worked on my baking sheet.

9:13

Is this my new face now? Oh, I know. I’m going to boil some water. The mask is supposed to insulate my face when I touch it with boiling water.

9:15

Wow, there are really a lot of remedies for burns on Google.

9:16

I should see if there is a colony where other women and men trapped in their face masks can go to hide their new, hideous faces from the public.

9:18

OR I can try one of these “face mask removal” hacks on Pinterest.

9:20

THE MAYONNAISE AND HOT SAUCE WERE A MISTAKE!

9:21

AGHH, the hot sauce splashed in my eyes!

9:23

The. Power. of. Christ. Conquers. You —

9:27

I take all my scrubs into the shower with me and won’t come out until this mask is gone.

11:43

It’s over! True, it now looks like I shaved my face with a cheese grater. But according to the review, my face will look amazing tomorrow.