Dear Annie: My daughter, her father and I have always been very close. We spoke every day and told each other about our daily lives. She has three children. We paid for preschool for all of them, bought their clothes and even bought a condo for her while she was studying law. She is our only living child; we were able to help her and we were happy to do so.

She divorced her husband, who bled her dry financially by buying expensive new cars and taking expensive vacations. We also helped by taking care of the children, often preparing meals and continuing to provide financial help.

She met a very nice, stable person with an up-and-coming career. Her career also went up. They are now a family with five children and a big house to take care of.

We hear from her every two or three weeks now, and visits are rare – maybe once every three months. We went through a very painful time with this separation, especially me. I am fine now and have made new friends. However, I wonder if this kind of distancing from us was something she needed to do to become independent, or if she almost abused us. What do you think? – A mother of an adult daughter

Dear mother of an adult daughter: Ideally, you raise your children with a strong foundation. You give them good roots and then you give them wings so they can fly away on their own. It sounds like you’ve done a great job as parents. I don’t think your daughter treats you badly. I think she’s happy and enjoying her life and that should be your goal too. Maybe you can go and visit her and your many grandchildren.

Sometimes when we go through a difficult time in life, even as adults, it is our parents who help us. Your daughter was going through a difficult time with her ex-husband and your support was so helpful in getting her back on her feet and finding a good husband and a happy life. Well done, mom.

Dear readers, Annie is off this week. Today’s column previously appeared in 2021.