How to avoid stress when talking about money, according to Ramit Sethi

How to avoid stress when talking about money, according to Ramit Sethi


©Ramit Sethi

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Talking about money with friends, family, or your partner can be nerve-wracking, but having these uncomfortable conversations is better than simply avoiding the subject. Fortunately, these conversations don’t have to be stressful.

In a recent newsletter, money expert Ramit Sethi reveals tips for stress-free conversations about money, especially with your partner.

“Talking about money with your partner may sound painful, but I promise you it doesn’t have to be awkward,” he wrote. “As cheesy as it sounds, it can actually bring you closer together. The secret is to approach it with the right mindset.”

You can find his tips below, and you can also check out Sethi’s “brutally honest” money advice here.

Be honest

The saying “honesty is the best policy” also applies when it comes to conversations about money.

“It’s important to talk openly and honestly with your partner about money,” Sethi wrote. “Hiding your money or telling untruths about it can cause major conflict in your relationship.”

Be open about your salary

Talking about your income isn’t a topic you bring up on a first date, but if you’re at the point where you’re thinking about building a long-term future, it’s worth sharing this information.

“Start the conversation with your income,” Sethi wrote. “Once you know each other’s income, you can decide together how to spend the money.”

Be open about your debts

Many people incur personal debt, whether it be through credit card debt, student loans, or a car loan.

“Discuss debt and expenses,” Sethi wrote. “Give an overview of all the debts you both have and make a plan for what to do next.”

Unravel your beliefs about money

Both you and your partner come into the relationship with your own views on money. One of you may have a scarcity mentality and save every penny, while the other may overspend. Even if you fall somewhere in between, it’s important to understand your individual values.

“Don’t forget about invisible scripts,” Sethi wrote. “We all grew up with ideas about money that can influence us (positively or negatively). To be on the same page with your partner, take some time to analyze your subconscious thoughts about money.”

Talk about the fun aspects of money

Conversations about money don’t always have to be so serious. For example, you could talk about saving together for your dream vacation.

“Decide when you’re going to take your next vacation – and have FUN talking about where you’re going, what hotel you’re staying at, and what you’re going to eat,” Sethi wrote.

Other “fun” topics Sethi suggests include what your dream home looks like and what charities you want to donate to.

More tips for talking about money with your partner

To get the conversation going, think of specific questions you want to ask. Some ideas include:

  • How did your parents teach you how to handle money?
  • What motivates your financial decisions?
  • What money habit do you admire about me?
  • Is there anything about your financial situation or debt that is important to me?
  • Can you assume that you will support your parents or other relatives in the future?

The biggest mistake you can make is not talking about money at all.

“Discuss finances in a relationship as soon as you believe your finances are becoming intertwined,” said Shelly-Ann Eweka, CFP, senior director of financial planning strategy at TIAA. “The person you are in a relationship with will influence how and when you reach your financial goals. In fact, your financial goals may change because of the relationship.”

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