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DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 40s who has recently become disabled. I use a wheelchair. Some days my body works, others it doesn’t. But if I walk a long distance I get seizures. To anyone who isn’t close to me I look pretty healthy, but I’m not.

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About a year after I became disabled, my husband and I had to move in with my father so he could care for me. Dad does all the shopping and errands, and my husband works full time. I rarely leave the house. On days when I’m feeling really good, I go shopping with Dad. He’s over 70, but he has no problem pushing me in my wheelchair.

The problem is that I get dirty looks from other elderly people when they see an old man pushing a seemingly healthy young person. I don’t feel I need to explain why I use a wheelchair. However, it is starting to really annoy me that I get dirty looks the few times a month when I go out.

These people see me on my best days. I hope you can spread the message that some disabilities are invisible and that it’s OK to use a wheelchair when needed. — PUSHED AROUND IN IDAHO

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DEAR PUSHED: Some people use handicapped parking spaces and it’s not surprising that non-disabled people are bothered by this. BUT, as you so clearly stated, not everyone has an obvious disability. Some healthy-looking people have heart problems or balance issues (among other things), so it’s wrong to make assumptions about someone you don’t know. If people give you dirty looks because your dad is helping you, just smile and ignore them.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old wife and mother of three children under the age of three. Although I love my husband and children, I find it difficult to find myself and what I like to do. When I wake up, I don’t think about myself and what I need. Instead, I feel guilty and selfish when I think about myself. I find it difficult to concentrate on work because I have to take care of the household.

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I’m the second oldest of ten children and have had the responsibility of caring for others from a young age. I never thought it would affect me so much. How do I find the balance to make time for myself and my family without feeling guilty? — ALL HANDS FULL OF WORK IN TENNESSEE

LOVELY HANDS FULL: Please don’t blame yourself for your feelings. You are not the only new mother who has these feelings. You have had three children in three years and some of these feelings may be hormonal. If you haven’t talked to your doctor about this, you should. If you don’t want any more children in the near future, talk to them about this too.

Since you have spent years caring for your younger siblings, could some of them lend you a hand now? Are there other relatives who could take on the responsibilities you have taken on? As your babies get older, you will have time to explore more options for yourself.

— Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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