Question for Eric: The 20-year-old is considering incorporating romantic relationships into her already busy life
Dear Eric, Like many of my friends in their late 20s, my life is still in the drafting phase. There are so many moving parts, but I now have a rough idea of where I want to go. I work full time and am also a full time student.
While my career goals are closer than ever, other aspects of my life, like romantic relationships, seem more out of reach than ever. I’ve tried online dating and have matched up with people, but I never make the effort to meet up for a date.
I know that once I get started, a relationship will add more value and fun to my life, but how do I start when I know it will make the rest of my busy life even busier and more challenging? My friends and I often talk about how in our twenties we try to find a balance between work, friendships, relationships, and our mental and physical health. How do you decide what takes priority?
– Work-life balance
Dear Balance: I’m not sure anyone achieves perfect balance at any point in time. And maybe that’s not the goal. I imagine life in your twenties to be like DJing, but not DJing on your phone at a house party, where you just press play on Spotify and hope for the best.
Professional DJs mix live, boosting the bass, lowering the treble, sampling, starting another track that only they can hear while the current track finishes. There’s a lot of switching around. Every track is different. And there’s always someone in the crowd shouting, “You’re doing it wrong. Play ‘Wonderwall’!”
There is nothing you can do wrong. But you should try to do it authentically. Your health is a priority. If you are not well physically and mentally, everything will suffer. So if you are at your limit with studies and work, don’t worry about other people’s time clocks, neither in love nor anything else.
If you have time to read a book, try reading memoirs written by others about this complicated time in their lives. I particularly like those by Samantha Irby, Scaachi Koul and David Rakoff. They may offer a new perspective and humor.
You have more time than you think. If everything is in order, you can add things – romance, other work commitments, and a wider circle of friends. Not everything will go according to plan. It may happen in the wrong order or in total chaos. But if you stay true to yourself and make sure to take care of yourself, you will learn the steps of the dance.
Anyway, here is “Wonderwall”…
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rricthomas.com.
