This boastful woman has crossed the line
DEAR ABBY: Last year my husband and I moved to my hometown, which I left 40 years ago. We are happy with our decision to return.
Our problem is my friend “Shirley,” who I have known since elementary school.
Shirley has always been very successful and lately she has been receiving recognition for our positive life choices.
At the dinner party we threw to thank neighbors and childhood friends for their help with the move, Shirley dominated the conversation and exaggerated her role. When I reunite with former classmates and she’s around, she chimes in and turns the conversation around her or harasses me with passive-aggressive comments.
Shirley had a hard life, so I put it down to her needing a win.
Now she’s doing this to my husband and that’s crossing the line.
When we lived out of state, she didn’t do that. What can I do to get our friendship back on a more equal footing?
— THE LIMIT REACHED IN OHIO
BETTER REACH: Please read your letter again. The person you described is not a “friend” – she is an insecure, jealous person who you happen to have known for a long time. She needs to be the center of attention, no matter what impression you make.
Do not Don’t kid yourself if you think you can make someone like her your friend. The less you see Shirley, the better off you and your husband will be.
DEAR ABBY: My young adult child came out to us as transgender a few months ago. My husband and I, as well as her siblings, support her and love her unconditionally.
Recently, she decided to share the news with her grandparents by sending them a heartfelt email along with some resources specifically for grandparents.
A grandparent has been fully supportive, immediately started using the correct name and pronouns, started researching her, and continues to treat her like the wonderful young adult she is.
The other grandparents sent a text message saying something like, “We love you because you’re family, but we don’t really support you.” They haven’t had any contact since.
My child is extremely disappointed and it breaks my heart.
She (and we) know that this may mean losing friends and family, but we always hoped that the grandparents’ love would be unconditional.
What advice do you have for them and for us so that we can continue to support them?
— UNCONDITIONALLY IN OREGON
DEAR UNCONDITIONAL: Your daughter is lucky to have loving, supportive parents, siblings, and a grandparent who is willing (and able) to accept her for who she really is. She needs to be prepared that not everyone will do that.
This other set of grandparents seems less willing to learn and less flexible in what they can accept.
Your daughter should continue on her own path and not allow her judgments to define her. If she can do that, she will be happier.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
