As a self-described author, I’m pretty good at writing my own story, especially given that my love life is public knowledge and somewhat immortalized on the internet. But if I’m going to maintain that journalistic integrity, I have to be scrupulously honest and think about the hidden clues and secrets I’ve hidden between my sentence fragments and dashes. I’d be doing myself and readers a disservice if I didn’t share with you the secrets I uncovered during my “Hot Girl Summer” – so here’s everything you need to know.

1. To have a successful “Hot Girl Summer” you need one or maybe two accountability buddies.

This is a special dedication to my best friends Hannah and Sam, who listened to and took into account my delusional but self-fulfilling prophecies. Our conversations revolved around making up double dates and telling ill-timed sex jokes—all to score our “Hot Girl Summer” points and avoid our so-called “consequences.” Without them, who also double as my good luck charms, I wouldn’t have been able to go on so many first dates, meet strangers in the late hours of the night, or be so easily talked into driving to San Francisco for an impromptu meet-up with a prospective client at a Chinatown bakery. For the couch I was offered for my debriefings and the frozen yogurt and kind words when things went wrong, it’s clear that every “Hot Girl Summer” adventure should be accompanied by a few good friends—sometimes the best things in life are platonic.

2. It’s okay to have a type, but you don’t have to stick with it forever.

As a self-proclaimed romantic, I tend to idealize my “perfect” partner by having a long list of requirements for them – how they would dress, what common interests we would have, how they would get along with my friends, or how we would look together in public. But as I’ve gotten three months older, and arguably three months wiser, I’ve realized that placing such high, unattainable expectations on others isn’t just unfair to the people I meet, but also to myself – because I’ve learned that shared interests or superficial attraction are rarely reason enough to continue dating someone. Perhaps the qualities that are more valuable and better represent a person’s essence manifest themselves in the form of different aesthetic and personal traits – meaning that physical and emotional attraction can grow in unexpected ways.

3. Accept the inevitable embarrassment.

For every photo you take during Hot Girl Summer, you’ll miss out on quite a few, if not nearly all of them. But that’s the name of the game. You might feel a whiff of desperation one or more times when you send someone a private message. You’ll feel a punch in the gut when you realize you’ve been ghosted. Your friends might tease you when they see you making out with strangers on the street. You might have a mini-heart attack when you meet someone who saw you naked at Artichoke Basille’s Pizza. But that doesn’t mean you’ll end up alone (calm down, you’re still young) or that you’re not desirable. It certainly doesn’t mean you’ll never be more than a convenient one-night stand or a wallet to pay for dinner dates. There’s something so wonderfully human about embarrassing yourself because it reminds us that no one is invincible. I’m saying it’s better to take risks when you can than to spend your whole life waiting for a “perfect” opportunity.

4. The ups and downs of your romantic adventures do not define you.

It’s possible that we tend to hide behind the mask of our dramatized retellings and embellished memories of events surrounding our romantic adventures. But there’s no need to worry if you don’t have any stories to offer or any experiences to back up your perspective. Sometimes, a “hot summer with girls” takes a lot of serendipity, incredible luck, or someone who is really elegant and charming at storytelling. But at the end of the day, being in a relationship doesn’t make you a better person, nor does hooking up with multiple people, nor being a virgin or serially monogamous. These statuses we identify with so strongly don’t determine our path in life. Rather, they are simply states of being. Enjoy where you are now, but don’t let it go to your head.

It’s been an admittedly exciting and terrifying summer, and I feel the need to end my dating series with a little friendly advice. I may have learned things the hard way this summer—namely, dealing with oversexualized pick-up lines sent at lunchtime, dealing with awkward date endings, dealing with bad kissers, or grappling with the realization that someone else doesn’t feel the same way—but I came out on the other side, head held high and hopefully a little wiser.