The Hooters Girls take us behind the scenes of their fight against the heat in Texas
Happy one week anniversary, idiot A week ago Zach who thought he would have a child on the due date.
Idiot. Sweet little naive Zach. You thought this would be easy? No. Ironically, it’s my girl who was actually born a week early because she was scheduled for a c-section. But this boy? Too late. Not a good start. Sounds like typical liberal behavior.
If that’s the case, he’d better get his mind back on track.
What’s the mood like in the Dean house today? Well, let’s see… The First Lady woke up late, which made her angry. Then she went straight to the kitchen and was upset because our countertop was cluttered.
Of course, she blamed it on the one small roll of paper towels, whereupon she explained that we would not only be purchasing one of those fancy paper towel holders for the vanity cabinet, but also two brand new toilet paper holders for both bathrooms.
After she finished clearing out our kitchen, she went into the living room, where she realized that we needed pictures on the wall for the fall. In the one year that we’ve lived in this house, we haven’t had a single picture on the walls. Not a single one. That’s apparently about to change.
I was also told in no uncertain terms that there would be sloppy joes for dinner tonight. Why she made that decision at 9:45 I don’t know, but that’s what’s on the menu for dinner now if you’re in the DeLand area and hungry tonight.
So to sum it up… the moral is great! Let’s go.
With that in mind, welcome to Thursday Nightcaps – where we take a look behind the scenes at the Hooters girls and then raise the green flag with Paige Spiranac.
What a double blow!
What else? I have Queen Carrie Underwood getting ready for Sunday Night Football, Starbucks driving Joe and SeanJo crazy in Screencaps class, and the DNC continuing to carry us through the last dead week of the year.
Thanks, boys and girls (and them and them)!
OK, here we go. It’s #PumpkinSpiceSZN at the woke Starbucks, which means I can get a half-price latte when the clock strikes 3:01.
Pencils up!
Another big night of DNC content
It’s really amazing how early fall beverages come back each year. I swear it’ll be another five years before you can buy a pumpkin coffee at Dunks on the way home from your 4th of July shopping.
Hell, five years might be wishful thinking. I think it could happen by the next half.
And this is coming from someone who loves fall! I love fall. It’s the only time of year I would willingly leave Florida and move to New England. Plus, it reminds me why I’m a Dunkin’ guy. I would go to war for Dunkin Donuts. They’re so much better than the wokes at Starbucks.
Is August 28th The Much better than August 22nd? Well, no. But I’ll take it. Another victory for the workers!
Now let’s quickly head to crime-ridden Chicago and visit some real, down-to-earth workers! The salt of the earth.
What a night for content. These guys are on another level this week.
Carrie Underwood waits all day for a Sunday evening
Ruthless move by the cameraman, but I respect it. Take your shot, big guy. He saw an opportunity and took it, and it worked out great.
PS: How about if Oprah was just back? It feels like we haven’t seen or heard from her in 20 years and suddenly, BAM – she’s back! And even better: she’s screaming about racism and income inequality. It’s amazing how insufferable regular Democrats have become.
Seriously… Bill Clinton must be so embarrassed by what the party has become. There’s no way he approves of any of this. Neither does Oprah. But if you’re told to gaslight, gaslight, baby!
PPS: Are the Democrats really still fixated on the whole gay thing? Is it 2012 again? Nobody cares anymore. What are we doing here?
OK, let’s move on to bigger and better things, like… Sunday Night Football! Queen Carrie will be returning to our screens in just over two weeks and she’s ready to rock like the queen she is:
Hooters Girls, Paige Spiranac in Daytona and this Mahomes wannabe has a ROCKET
Welcome back, Carrie! There’s always a place for you in this class. Always. You, Kay Adams, the Hooters girls, and Paige. No questions asked.
Plus, it allows me to take my favorite poll of the NFL season…what’s the best NFL theme song? For me, this one’s pretty easy. I’ve said it before, but I’ll rehash it here for those new to the class:
- CBS (AFC bias, sorry FOX)
- FOX (actually there would be 3, but they sign my paychecks)
- NBC (see above)
- Old-School CBS (mid-90s-early 2000s)
- NFL Network
- Monday Night Football (I stopped caring about it the day Hank Williams was canceled)
- Amazon Prime (sorry Al and Kirk, it’s not you, it’s me)
Chills. When I hear The When I watch the theme song, I might as well be stuffing myself with pizza rolls and Capri sunglasses while watching Ricky Williams run for 250 yards on 42 attempts in a 20-13 loss to the Dolphins.
The best.
OK, now I can quickly look up recipes for sloppy joes. First of all, happy Hooters Pageant Day to everyone celebrating!
I can’t WAIT to see who takes over Emily Johnson’s throne tonight. I talked to Emily when she was here for the Daytona 500 (RIP to Hooters & NASCAR btw) and she was a delight.
A big shirt to fill. I can’t wait to see who comes out on top. OutKick will of course be covering it, as they did the OJ trial.
Next? Speaking of racing in Daytona…
Unbelievable. I haven’t missed a single race at Daytona since I moved here in 2016. I don’t go on Saturday because I’m either having a baby, in the hospital, or making my third batch of sloppy joes for the First Lady just to keep the peace.
So of course Daytona decides to take Paige down to lead the field to green. I mean, my God. That’s really an all-time bad beat.
Give them hell, Paigeviews!
Finally, let’s look at the flag football quarterback who said earlier this week that he was better at football than Patrick Mahomes because he had a higher IQ.
Hooters Emily saddles up one last time
Yeah, okay, buddy. Whatever you say!
OK, that’s it for today. I think I need to buy some ground beef. Not sure yet. Here’s Hooters saddling up Emily one last time before she gives up her crown.
Good luck, ladies!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column that appears Monday through Friday at 4:00 p.m. (approximately, we’re not robots).
What’s the best NFL theme song? Email me at [email protected].
