Football is back, baby. Listen, anyone who has ever been to a sporting event knows that you have to savor every alcoholic tipple you buy. You’re probably spending $19 on each one, and if you don’t sip it thoroughly in 90-degree weather, it’s probably going to taste like the devil’s juice after 30 minutes. And a quick lesson for everyone out there: The last people you want to argue with at a sporting event are two guys in white shirts, especially sleeveless ones. These guys have nothing to lose, and may not even be fans of the team they’re supporting. They don’t mind throwing the first punch, and as soon as you even look sideways at them, it’s over for you.

Despite all of this, and I’m not an official boxing judge, the guy in the Broncos t-shirt who comes out of the fight with every drop of beer wins the fight. Just look at this level of hand-eye coordination:

Completely unharmed, aside from a lost shoe, which again, is probably worth less than one of those beers at a sporting event. Sure, they took a few hits, but anyone with a bank account can admire that level of protection for every dollar. A firm salute to you, sir, and if this is a sign of good things to come for the Broncos in the Bo Nix era, Mile High seems to be in incredibly good and stable hands.

PS Broncos fans love to throw with their hands?