A husband who allegedly told his wife he was “not obligated to pay for her own medical problems” was met with severe criticism on Reddit.

The incident was brought to light in a Reddit post shared by the woman under the username LeatherRequirement59. The post has received 20,000 upvotes since it was published on August 9.

According to the person on the poster, her husband told her that “since I was the cause of infertility,” she should “bear the cost of the IVF (in vitro fertilization) sessions herself.”

The woman explained: “I was so hurt that I freaked out in front of him and he acted like I was being unreasonable and then said he had no obligation to pay for ‘my own medical problems.’ I freaked out and decided to pack my things and move in with my mother.”

The poster read: “Yes, I take responsibility for my infertility, but this was too much. Did I overreact? Was it wrong to go against what he said and leave?”

Rachel Marmor, a licensed mental health counselor from South Florida, said Newsweek: “This situation is deeply emotional as it involves the sensitive issue of infertility and the dynamics of shared responsibility in a marriage,” adding that “the woman’s reaction to leaving the house reflects a need to protect herself from emotional harm.”

Lea Nicole Trujillo, a trained therapist and fertility and emotional wellness coach, agreed, saying: Newsweek that “leaving her home may have been a way for her to set a boundary and express the depth of her pain.”

She added that her husband’s behavior “was not only unreasonable but also deeply hurtful and made her realize she was alone in this at a time when she needed him most.”

IVF is a form of infertility treatment in which “a woman’s eggs are removed, fertilized in a laboratory, and the resulting embryos are then transferred through the cervix into the woman’s uterus,” explain the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, IVF accounts for more than 99 percent of all assisted reproductive technology procedures performed in the United States.

The New York-based Center for Reproductive Rights says that “limited information, restrictive laws and policies, stigma, high costs and other barriers” make fertility treatments such as IVF “unaffordable for many, especially those from marginalized communities.”

“I am the one who struggles with infertility”

According to the author of the viral Reddit post, the couple, who have been married for 13 years, have enough savings to afford IVF treatment, but her husband was “unsure if we should go down that route,” pointing out that “one session is not guaranteed (to be enough) and we would have to pay for more.”

He later reportedly said that “since I was the cause of the infertility, he thought ‘logically’ that I should bear the cost of the IVF sessions myself,” which “shocked” the post’s author.

The wife said she has not received a response from him since she left the house, apart from a text message allegedly saying “The truth hurts” that he sent her when she declined his call.

The poster reads: “My family blamed me and said I was ignoring his feelings and that he had the right to be open about his feelings even though I keep pushing him to go for IVFs, especially given his mental health condition that does not allow him to become a father, which is a human right he has.”

“Betrayal” and “painful rejection”

Marmor noted that the husband’s suggestion that his wife “should bear the financial burden of IVF because of her infertility was likely a painful rejection of their partnership for him. Such a statement can trigger deep feelings of isolation, hurt and abandonment.”

Trujillo added, “When a husband refuses to contribute financially, it can feel like a betrayal of the partnership and commitment that marriage represents, especially when he knows the emotional and physical toll it places on his wife. His refusal to support the IVF round not only undermines the importance of their shared dream of parenthood, but also undermines his commitment to her.”

New York-based psychotherapist Kelly Scott said Newsweek: “In this situation, it’s easy to label the husband as an unfeeling jerk,” noting that “his reaction was absolutely nasty.”

However, she also wonders whether the wife ignored the signs that her husband did not want this, because “it seems that he did not hide his ambivalence about IVF.”

Be “on the same team”

Scott advised, “Instead of continuing to push forward, it seems like a better idea to slow down and have some tough conversations about whether they’re on the same team on this.”

Marmor said that “such conversations should be approached with empathy, with both partners acknowledging each other’s pain and working together toward a solution.”

Trujillo also noted that although the woman’s diagnosis is infertility, “it is a shared endeavor that we should approach as a team.”

‘Terrible’

Reddit users quickly defended the author of the viral post and criticized the husband for his behavior.

SweetyChickkk said, “No, you did not overreact. Your husband’s comments were incredibly hurtful and insensitive. This is a shared journey, not just your ‘medical issue.’ You deserve support and understanding, not blame.”

OnlyOnTuesdays289 said the writer was “NTA (not the asshole). Your husband is a huge, selfish asshole. What he said to you was horrible. It’s full of blame and shame.”

SecretaryPresent16 agreed that the poster is “NTA.” He is incredibly insensitive and just overall cruel. Even if the infertility is on your part, it is still an issue that you have to face together. It becomes BOTH of you to resolve or not resolve depending on what you both want. It is unfair of him to burden you with all of this.”

Newsweek has reached out to the original author for comment via Reddit messaging system.

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