Why Demi’s ‘Love is Blind’ was the girl power moment we need more of on dating shows
At least that is the hope.
Dreaming of living happily ever after after saying “I do,” a wedding is a time of joy and the beginning of the next phase of your life. You have someone by your side with whom you can build a home and possibly a family.
“I don’t” is usually reserved for soap operas such as EastEnders and is used for dramatic effect and to help the person in question escape a potentially disastrous situation.
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In the case of Love Is Blind, “I don’t” means the end of the experiment and your time with your potential better half. It’s an admission that you’re not the perfect partner for each other, and in some cases, it’s a moment of clarity for the bride or groom, who finally see the warning signs they’ve been desperately trying to ignore.
In all versions of Love Is Blind (which now has eight spin-offs as well as the main US series), the “I don’t want to” moment is met with tears and tantrums by those left at the altar. There are reservations and explanations as to why they wanted to say no. Often, the rejected don’t understand why, even though they have been arguing throughout the series.
But during Love Is Blind UK’s wedding week, Demi turned what could have been a heartbreaking situation into a moment of strength and affirmation.
Witnessing Demi decide to ditch Ollie—not because she didn’t love him, but out of love for herself and because she had found clarity about what she needed—became a signature moment in dating shows and reality TV, providing a new kind of happy ending that more dating shows should embrace.
When Demi entered the pods, she openly admitted she was scared of ending up alone. She referred to herself as “one of the guys” because she loved football and boxing, and she spoke of being put in the “friendzone” – she was the girlfriend, but was rarely considered a friend (something I have to admit hit very hard).
At 30, she was ready to settle down and take the next step, but she lacked the confidence to take the plunge. That’s where pods came in, a way for her to meet someone anonymously and flirt without fear of how she might be perceived.
Through the experiment, she found Ollie, a 33-year-old software salesman who made her laugh, lifted her up emotionally, and made her feel the kind of love she deserved. He made her feel like a woman, complimented her curves when they finally met, and gave her a cheeky look at her butt as they left. Most importantly, he embraced her family, answered her questions and concerns with grace, and was devoted to her father—someone whose long-term love affair Demi wanted to emulate.
Sure, there were some ups and downs, but the love was definitely there and there were solid foundations for a strong relationship. More importantly, Demi became more confident, not only in her relationship, but also in moments with the girls who weren’t with Ollie.
When Demi and Ollie’s wedding day came, the pair gushed about their love for each other in their vows. Demi called Ollie an “amazing human being who lights up the room.” She praised his ability to make her feel safe and how he encouraged her to “feel light and free.” Demi told him how much she wants to see him continue to shine and how much their journey has meant to her.
But that didn’t stop her from saying no – perhaps surprisingly – at the crucial moment in front of the altar.
“I love you, but I don’t,” Demi told him, later adding, “I’ve learned to love myself in a whole different light on this journey, and that actually speaks volumes about you, Ollie. I know you love me, and I know you care about me, and I know you value me, but I know what I want from my husband, and I obviously don’t think we’re quite there yet.”
“But it doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want to’ and I’m leaving you forever. It means I don’t want to right now, because honestly, in the time we spent together, I felt like you saw me and I love you.”
This is a reasoning that Ollie obviously felt too: The two embraced each other and accepted that it was not over between them, that it was simply the wrong time to get married and that they needed time to grow as a couple.
Rather than reacting angrily or upset, Ollie established himself as someone who truly understood Demi. He thanked the many loved ones for their presence and later agreed that marriage is not a race to the finish line, promising to get there at his own pace.
There was no dramatic moment, no anger, little confusion. It was a gesture of pure love from both sides, knowing that a wedding was not the end – but She could still be.
Time will tell if they managed to work things out (the reunion special airs next week and should provide new insight), but Demi knowing she is enough, with or without a husband, is a strong and powerful message.
Everyone deserves their happy ending, especially Demi and Ollie, who were willing to put their insecurities and their relationship out there in the name of love. Seeing their evolution from someone who felt unloved to someone who truly knows their worth and learning that marriage doesn’t automatically create a strong foundation is the kind of happy ending I can really support.
All episodes of Love Is Blind UK are available to stream now on Netflix. Sign up to Netflix from £4.99 per month. Netflix is also available on Sky Glass and Virgin Media Stream.
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